I spent the last few hours reading about writing—minus the 2-hour nap, so maybe about 45 minutes of actual read time.
Anyhow, I read some pretty great things from both good and mediocre writers. I commented on several blogs, so now watch one or more of those blog owners come and read this post and therefore the end of the previous statement. If one of those blog owners is you, rest assured that not only was I not talking about you being the latter but that 98% of the time my shit is mediocre at best. I’m giving myself 2% for all those times I’ve cracked myself up. If I’m mistaken and you are a mediocre writer, then, first of all, welcome, and secondly, thank you for the writing tips. I could use them and likely will. Tact is something I could use, too.
One particularly brilliant woman suggests that I, Reader, use animal adjectives to beef up my writing—beef not included, as in this case it is not only half a verb and not an adjective but it is also bovine flesh, which isn’t an animal but part of one. And though I succeeded just now in using an animal adjective, the way I used bovine doesn’t count because the intention is to use the word metaphorically. “Listen to those cackling foul, will ya? Bovine gossip at the water trough! Get to work, you lazy asses!” Of all those animal references, the ones that apply are cackling and this time, yes, bovine. Cackling does count because I specifically asked the author whether onomatopoeia is acceptable, and she told me it is.
I’m now going to be owlish and chameleonic and read a book.
It is what you read when you don’t have to that determines what you will be when you can’t help it.
Blame Vonnegut. He has no shame.