a distraction

I’m in my little room, the one I often forget is back here, typing on my old computer, the faithful one that hangs on just for me. I’ve been pretty awful sick the last few days with fever and delirium and immobility, though I’m functioning because not going to work is not an option.

A student came to visit me today, one who graduated last year. He saw that I was sick and still at work, and he commented that he finally understands what I meant when I said the real world doesn’t really care whether you are sick, it keeps going and expects you to, too. He often wishes he could go back to school so that he wouldn’t have to live up to that expectation of go to work whether you like it or not.

Ick. I really do feel ill.

But I’m here writing because I’m too awake to lie in bed…my mind wanders, and I don’t want to let it. I’m too sick to eat even though I’m hungry. Everything sounds gross. All food is as appealing to me as curdled sour milk. Ack. Why even write that.

The whole world is sick lately. A whole world of milk gone bad.

I read a quote today somewhere by someone about how art wouldn’t exist without poverty. And my first thought was that poverty wouldn’t exist without art. For the artist, anyway. Truth is, art enriches us, but it’s often created down deep in the gut of sadness and pain. And it probably doesn’t really enrich us so much as it connects us. We empathize with the artist, or wish to share in the intensity of his emotion. Maybe we don’t have a choice but to.

I’m in need of happiness. But how is that any different than the rest of the world.

Hang on, let me find something….

I did a search, and this was the first thing that popped up. I’m amused…

Happiness Quiz

QUIZ FACTS The Skills-Based Happiness Quiz measures your “happiness skills” or habits. Based on your answers, you receive a free report with personalized guidance on how to be happier. 76% of quiz takers who practice one of the 7 habits of happy people report feeling happier.”

Is this like the 7 habits of highly effective people?

All that self help stuff makes my stomach hurt. I was forced to read that 7-habits book by various employers as part of professional development. I didn’t read it the three or four times I was required to. I love to learn new things, and I love to get better at stuff, but for some reason professional development makes me cringe. The only thing that’s ever developed me professionally is experience. I just can’t take the self-help books and seminars seriously.

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Sorry, Tony. Sorry, Stephen. No offense.

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I once had a boss tell me I was stubborn. He was right, but I argued with him.

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I just realized what a contradiction I’ve made here. I like it when things I read make me feel better….oh….I see….it’s when I’m forced to read things to make me feel better or be better that puts me off. 

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This negativity is the illness talking.

Let me…hang on…

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How to Become Positive: 11 Steps (with pictures)- wikiHow

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Number 9 is my favorite. Scratch number 10 from the list. Other than that, I find the pictures amusing—some of them are sort of random, like the guy in charge of the pictures was trying to get out of the office as fast as possible on a Friday afternoon. They remind me of when I was little and my brother would mute the TV and play music, any music, to see the TV figures move and talk along with it like the two were meant to go together. Odd phenomenon. Funny, but odd.

…….

Typing all this did a good job distracting me from my stomach ache, but my mind has caught on, so I have to go find something else to do now.

it’s late anyway. but i’ve slept most of the last 48 hours, and i’m awake now, so i’ll say goodnight but really i’ll just be staring at the ceiling fan

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Author: uncaged

When Picasso painted a blue Seated Woman in a Chair, he was unconsciously thinking of me.

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